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 could do with some advice

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lodgebo

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PostSubject: could do with some advice   Thu Apr 07, 2011 12:09 pm

Hey I was wondering if there is anbody in my situation or just anyone who has any adice on how to deal with my situation. A few weeks back my dad was diagnosed with early onset alzheimers it's basically alzheimers but the symptoms hit you quicker and sadly it kills you quicker around 8 years if you are lucky. As you can imagine it's been really hard for us all to deal with but the problem is with my son. my son is 4 he loves his grandad and loves spending time with him but my dad has been put in a care home and I think it qould greatly upset him to see dad as he is now but like all kids he keeps asking for him, at first me and my wife just said that grandad was ill and he couldnt see him but now we constantly are being asked when he is going to get better. So the problem we have is that we dont know what to tell him he's not at the stage where we could just give it to him straight i dont think and i dont like my mother in laws idea of telling him that my dad has gone to heaven. Really what I was wondering has anybody here been in this situation and if you have what did you tell your children
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Nymphadora

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PostSubject: Re: could do with some advice   Sat Apr 09, 2011 12:13 am

I'm sorry to hear about this ladgebo. My grandmother had alzheimers but we were able to care for her at home but she did have to go to care facilities at times. My daughter was around 3 at the time she died. It is a very difficult thing to deal with. I always took my daughter to see her when she was in a care facility. As a matter of fact when my daughter was younger I would take her nursing homes to visit with the people up there, even when we didn't have family in one. It does the people there a world of good. I know it seems scary and upsetting, and you know better than anyone what your child can handle but if your dad was just resently diagonse I'm assuming he still has some lucidity at times and isn't violent right? I know they have good days and bad days. It might be worth it to try it out and take him to see him on a good day. I'm sure your dad would love it and in cases like these you have to make the best of the time you have left.

My neighbor just recently died. She's was diagnosed with alzeheimer's around 9 years ago. her daughter had moved in to care for her at home. My daughter would frequently visit with her and talk to her and bursh her hair and read her books. Grandma (she called her grandma) might not always remember who she was but her daughter said it did make a difference in her day, it made her happy.

If it is your decision not to take your son to see your dad, I respect that.

Here a a few links you can read that might help you in how to talk to him about it

http://family.go.com/parenting/pkg-school-age/article-796088-when-a-grandparent-has-alzheimer-s-t/

http://www.caring.com/articles/explain-alzheimers-to-children

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fuscia

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PostSubject: Re: could do with some advice   Sat Apr 09, 2011 8:44 pm

I am so sorry about your grandfather, Lodgebo. Buffy, I'm sorry for your loss. While I have never had a relative with Alzheimers, I did lose my father to cancer when my nephew was 5. My dad was going through liver failure, and when his body was built up with toxins, he would not know me or my nephews. They did not see him when he was like this, but they did see him when he was lucid and they were told that grandpa is ill and gets tired easily. Children handle situations better than adults at times, and him seeing his granddad in care might help him when granddad passes someday. Buffy is right that children bring great joy and he will certainly brighten up the care facility.

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lodgebo

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PostSubject: Re: could do with some advice   Sat Apr 09, 2011 11:46 pm

Thanks so much for all the advice guys it has been helpful, my dad is still in the early stages of the illn ess but does get paranoid thinks peopel are trying to kill him and such and can lash out at times because of it whihc has been the main reason I havent taken the wee one to see him but I think if I call the unit he is is and they tell me he is having a good day then we could go up and see how he deals with it. my mum was saying to go up and if dad was to act starnge we can just say it was grandad being silly because he used to fool about a lot with my son anyway. just such a hard thing to deal with wouldnt wish the illness on my worst enemy
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Mr. F

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PostSubject: Re: could do with some advice   Mon Apr 11, 2011 2:48 am

Really sorry to hear about your Dad Lodge. You know your son much better than we do, so feel free to ignore some or all of the following.

I like the idea of calling ahead and seeing if Granddad is having a good day, but dont lie to your son. If he asks about the strange behavior, tell him its because Granddad is sick. This illness is effecting your whole family, if you include your son he could be a huge source of strength for everyone. I would leave out the prognosis though.
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gaboman

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PostSubject: Re: could do with some advice   Sun Apr 17, 2011 9:50 pm

I don't have anything to add mate, except that I'm also sorry that you're in this situation. Whether your father dies without notice or has a drawn out illness, it's going to affect your son. Hopefully it'll make him a stronger person, but at the end of the day I guess there's no right or wrong way to handle it. My best to you and your family.

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