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 The Cult of Nagini- a fanfiction lame attempt

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PostSubject: The Cult of Nagini- a fanfiction lame attempt   Thu Jul 30, 2015 1:11 am

The Cult of Nagini
Narcissa Malfoy paced nervously in the spacious library of Malfoy Manor. It had been five years since Voldemort had been killed by Harry Potter and the wizarding world had returned to peace or so they believed. Narcissa had risked her life by lying about Harry being dead to Voldemort, and she had reason to fear that he was not really gone.

Narcissa went to the window and looked out onto the spacious formal gardens and watched a lonely peacock bustle across the grounds. The home was empty for now. Lucius was away on business and Draco was off again with his fiancée Pansy Parkinson. Narcissa sighed. Pansy was everything that she should want for a future daughter-in-law. She was a pure blood, a Slytherin, and adored Draco, but Narcissa did not appreciate how she sucked up to her and Lucius. She was sly and Narcissa did not trust her one bit, but Narcissa had confidence that Draco could handle the girl. Draco’s superior intelligence and Pansy’s incessant need to be part of his universe would keep the girl under control, or so she hoped. But there had been a change in Pansy over the last few months. Pansy’s parents had died in the battle at Hogwarts. She was orphaned, and the Malfoy family had rescued her from her dingy quarters over The Leaky Cauldron. After all, Draco was in love with the girl, and it was simply not suitable for a future Malfoy to live above a bar. Now, Pansy lived at Malfoy Manor and it was understood that once Lucius had attained a suitable position in the Ministry of Magic, they would throw a lavish wedding to re-establish the Malfoy family in society. That had yet to happen. Lucius was making inroads, but it was a slow process.

The family had recently gone abroad for a vacation. They were in Iceland in a quaint wizarding ski village. Narcissa loved it there. It was a place where there were a lot of purebloods, and Lucius was more like his old self. He was gaining confidence in himself that he had lost in his last months with Voldemort. Lucius felt like an utter failure. He had put his family at risk by becoming a Death Eater. Narcissa missed her strong virile husband. She could not remember the last time that Lucius was able to perform in the bedroom, but in Iceland everything changed. She had reestablished her passionate relationship with Lucius, and when they went home she was so happy. Everything seemed to be going better for the family, and then they returned home. Draco was working at the Ministry of Magic in finance, and his hard work was paying off. Draco was ready to begin his life with his fiancée. But something happened with Pansy that only Narcissa knew. Pansy’s behavior had taken a sudden change in direction, and Narcissa was desperate enough to try to protect her son, so she called him.
The doorbell rang and Narcissa rushed to answer it. She had hoped that he would come, but she knew obtaining his help would prove difficult. They had been on different sides for too many years. She opened the door and gave a small nod to the auror that stood before her.
“Mrs. Malfoy, I understand that you needed to see me in private?” Harry Potter stated matter of factlly. He looked careworn by the battle over the world, but otherwise he was just Harry.
“Yes, do come in. “
She ushered him into the den and motioned for him to sit down. She sat opposite him in a grey wingback chair and folded her hands in her lap.
“Mr. Potter, you and I share a great secret about what happened when Voldemort failed to kill you.”
“You made the right choice that day, Mrs. Malfoy. I know you did it for your son, but I have never revealed your part.”
“Harry, I need you to keep what I am about to tell you a secret.”
“That depends upon what it is, Mrs. Malfoy.” Harry peered at her over his glasses.
“Please, call me Narcissa. I need to know,” she peered around with wide eyes. “Are you absolutely sure that Lord Voldemort is dead?”
Harry stared at her in disbelief. “Mrs. Malfoy, he is really dead. He dissolved into ashes that blew away. There is no coming back from that. And if it makes you feel any better, my scar has not hurt since then. I was the last horcrux, and the link is broken.”
Her dark eyes misted with tears. “I’ll need you to follow me then because something is very very wrong.”

Harry followed Narcissa through the long hallways and into the back grounds. They wound their way through a large hedge maze until they came to a clearing in the center. Harry jumped back and exclaimed “what the bloody hell is this??”
He was staring at a eight foot statue of a very familiar snake. It was Nagini, Voldemort’s companion and now dead former horcrux. Nagini was posed in a position that had her body raised in a powerful position as if to strike, yet she was chiseled with a seductive look upon her reptile face. At the base were the words “The Cult of Nagini.”
“Harry, I was hoping you could tell me. It just appeared one day, and then, well Pansy started acting very odd.”
Harry started to walk away. “Mrs. Malfoy, I don’t have time for this nonsense.” He walked away leaving her standing there completely mute. Suddenly he was tackled from behind and thrown to the ground. He struggled and was thrown over onto his back. Shimmy Banana

“This is no joke!” Narcissa panted as she straddled him. Her jacket had come open and her blouse was undone enough to reveal the top of her milky breasts. Her white and black streaked hair hung in his face. Harry could not help himself. He had a fleeting moment of a feeling that she was hot, but it passed when he realized how utterly bizarre this all was. “Harry, we did not make the statue. We were vacationing in Iceland! Pansy disappeared one night and I went looking for her. I found her here with this statue. She was bowing before it, calling Nagini her “mother-serpent goddess.” I tried to ask her about the statue, but instead of her telling me what she was doing, she grabbed me and kissed me! I can’t tell Lucius or Draco because my husband would kick her out of the house, and Draco would be crushed. Honestly, even if I did decide to do it, how do you tell your son that his fiancée stuck her tongue in my mouth and copped a feel?”
Harry stared at her as she talked. Damn, she had fine breasts for an older woman. She smelled like orchids, her skin milky white. Shut it Harry, she is Draco’s mom and holy wizarding balls! She was on top of him and she was pressing down on his.. Harry damn it, she is old enough to be your mother! “Narcissa, it is the statue. I believe it is acting as a kind of aphrodisiac.”
“Are you sure?” she said as she inched closer to his face. She gave him a seductive look, leaned closer, and gently bit his lower lip. They were both breathing heavy, and suddenly they were kissing and rolling around on the ground in a frenzy of passionate kissing.
“Narcissa!!!” Lucius bellowed. He advanced towards them, but Harry was quick with his wand.
STUPEFY! Lucius froze where he was. He looked as though he was getting a prostrate exam by the look upon his face.
Harry ran his hands through his hair. “Narcissa, forgive me it was…”
“The statue, I know. A thousand pardons, Harry. Something is very very wrong here. I tried to destroy the statue, but I can’t. Then there is Pansy. She is now, well, she is mean and is stealing things. We give her all she wants but she steals from children on the street. I need you as an auror to investigate this. Leave my name out of it, but please just be careful. I got my son back because you defeated the Dark Lord. ”
“What about Lucius?”
“I will wipe his memory and you can leave.”
“Yes, it will remain between us. Everything that happened here will, Narcissa.” Harry grabbed her by the waist and kissed her again. He cupped her bottom as she ran her fingers through his hair. He slowly pulled away. “Narcissa, if you don’t mind me saying it, but Lucius is a very lucky man.”
Narcissa laughed, “As is Miss Weasley. Our little secret, Harry, “ she said with a wink, slapped him on his bottom, and motioned him to leave.

arry left Malfoy Manor and began an investigation. He returned to the Auror office and was surprised to find his new boss, Mirace Hollingsworth sitting on his desk. Mirace was a gorgeous witch, who was part Veela, but her hair was dark and she had lavender eyes.
“Mr. Potter, a word in private.” She motioned for him to come into her office. Mirace was tiny. Her bright red high-heeled pumps clicked as she walked briskly into her office. Mirace looked over her dark blue rimmed glasses as spoke to Harry.
“We have a situation on our hands. I have two dozen reports of statues of Voldimort’s snake Nagini appearing around Great Britain. Snakes are disappearing too. People are breaking into pet stores and stealing them. I’ve gotten word that husbands are leaving their wives for snakes! They love snakes now, and the witches will just kiss any man they are around if within range of the statute. Petty crime is up, and they are calling themselves the…”
“Cult of Nagini,” he said. She looked surprised that he knew.
Mirace peered over her glasses with her lavender eyes looking at him knowingly. “Harry, you know I keep up on ALL the official inquiries and cases of our department. There is no report about this. Now, why is that?”
Harry knew that Mirace was an honest person, and she was also one who kept things to herself. She could keep a secret. “Mirace, I have something to tell you, but it must remain off the record.”
“Of course.”
“ I have discovered a statue on the grounds of Malfoy Manor. I do not believe that the Malfoy’s had anything to do with it. It appeared while they were on holiday in Iceland.” Harry then filled her in on the situation.
Mirace shook her black hair and her lavender eyes sparkled, “Mr. Potter, we can’t have a bunch of horny wizards and witches worshiping snakes now can we? Aberforth Dumbedore would be furious if people are allowed this freedom when he can not perform charms on goats.”
Harry barely suppressed a chuckle. “What do you want me to do?” Harry asked.
“You have your five year reunion of Dumbledore’s Army next weekend. You need to go and keep your eyes and ears open.”
“Well the Weasleys and Hermione know nothing of this. I am with them all the time.”
“They are not the only members of Dumbledore’s Army. Just look and listen. You can also keep an eye out when you dedicate the book that the Order of the Phoenix wrote about their fight with Voldemort and the fall of him. By the way, I think it is wonderful that you decided to use the proceeds to create a hospital for werewolves to get their wolfsbane potion and rest safely during the full moon. The Lupin Institute will be a wonderful addition to our community.”
“Thank you Mirace. I loved Remus, and I don’t want anyone to suffer the stigma as he did. The Order felt it was only right to honor him. Anyway, I will keep alert and report back.”
Harry knew that he needed to figure out this mystery. He was a successful auror, but all things Voldemort he had used Ron and Hermione as a sounding board. He headed for the joke shop in Diagon Alley to talk to Ron who had stepped in to manage the shop after Fred was killed. George was the face of the business and the creative genius behind it, but Ron was a godsend as a manager. He was free of being in Harry’s shadow at long last.
Diagon Alley was quiet that day. It was August and it was the lull in business before the frenzy of school shopping for students going to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Harry smiled when he saw the large garish sign for Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes. He entered the joke shop and passed the piles of puking pastels and wound around the displays of love potions to the counter. He rang the bell, and Ron came out from the back to greet him.
“Harry! What are you doing here in the middle of the day?” Ron said as she smoothed down his lapel of his brown suit.
“Ron, something is going on and I need your help. Have you been selling a lot of love potions lately?”
Ron’s face grew pale. “Harry, we haven’t sold any lately. There is something though. Let me get George. He can tell you more about it.”
Ron called for his brother George, and the tall twin came down the stairs with his usual good humor and smiled when he saw Harry.
“Harry, come to arrest Ron for being a smarmy little git, have you?”
Harry chuckled. “No George, I wanted to know about your love potions. Have you sold any or had inquiries about how to make them?”
George, who was much taller than Harry, put his hand upon his shoulder and said “No one has asked or purchased, but there was a theft of a crate of love potions a week or so ago.”
“I need you to keep your eyes out for anything unusual. These statues of Voldimort’s snake Nagini are cropping up around the country with “The Cult of Nagini” on them. If you are close to the statue, you become very er um amorous.” Harry stated.
George cocked an eyebrow. “So you are saying Lord Voldiepoo’s snake is now making people horny up and down the country? What would the pick up line be ‘wanna see me snake’?”
Harry chuckled.
Ron said “Blimey, I’ve got to get Hermione to one of those statues.”
George ruffled Ron’s hair. “Well little brother. You can take her there, but knowing Hermione, she will tell you that you are doing it wrong. As for me, I don’t need a snake statue to do well with the ladies.”
“All right you two, well, George is right, but that is beside the point. Keep your eyes open, and we will talk at the DA reunion this weekend.”

At the Institute for Psychic Health
he sunny lobby of the Institute for Psychic Health in Bath, England was filled with orchids, and bubbles that hovered near the ceiling. The Institute was a new creation, founded by Xenophelius Lovegood for his daughter Luna to practice her trade. The money for the building had come from the capture of a rare Crumple-Horned Snorkack while on holiday in Sweden. Mr. Lovegood had sold the animal and his story and thus earned a tidy sum of gold. Now Luna was the head, and only, healer in the Institute.
Harry entered the lobby and suppressed a smile. The building was clearly designed by Luna. All around the ceiling were quotes such as “laughter is the best medicine” and “if you are hearing voices, you might be the only one who is sane.” Harry walked up to the old receptionist and slid her a card that identified him as an auror. The receptionist nodded and rang a small gong.
Dr. Luna, as she preferred to be called, wafted into the room wearing a pale yellow set of scrubs. She had a garland of thyme and rosemary around her neck and had a tin foil beanie on her head. She went to the desk and picked up a chart. She frowned when she saw the notes from the nurse who had attended to the patient overnight. She heard the gong and went to the lobby to greet Harry.
“Harry, so nice to see you. Are you here for a psychic problem?”
“No Luna, I am here because I heard there was an incident in Ireland regarding a wizard who had gone crazy and was attacking people and crying about a snake. I’m here to investigate it.”
“Oh, you mean Seamus Finnigan.”
“WHAT?” Harry was thunderstruck.
“Oh yes, Seamus has been here for three days. He is not in good shape. You can come with me to see him if you like.”
“Yes, I would, but what happened.”
Luna looked around and motioned for him to come into the hallway just outside Seamus’s room. “Harry, his mum said that he had changed. It started just after you defeated Lord Voldemort. He developed a cough, and then his temperament changed. He got into fights all the time and stopped visiting friends. He scorched the eyebrows off of a number of goblins. He purchased a large female python and became obsessed with her.”
“That doesn’t sound like Seamus at all.”
“Harry, it gets worse. His mum said a statue appeared of Nagini, you know Voldemort’s snake. After that he started spending a lot of alone time with his python. He stopped bathing, shaving, and began only speaking in parsletongue. You know that he didn’t have that language skill. He somehow acquired it. His mom was ready to hall him off to St. Mungos when Seamus disappeared with his snake. His mum got worried and found him in the woods. He was attempting to use an illegal charm on the python, well it was a love charm, and he accidentally blew her up.”
“He blew up the python? Now that sounds like Seamus.”
“He started to scream, and scream and scream. His mum used a spell to subdue him, but he has been here and has not spoken since. “
Luna pulled out a set of keys and she and Harry entered a baby blue room. Seamus sat upon the bed rocking back and forth. He had his hands bound in front of him with pink fuzzy ropes. He glared at Harry and rushed at him, his bound hands in front of him, bellowing at the top of his lungs.”
“YOU KILLED VOLDEMORT! My goddess Nagini is dead! You stupid half-blood!”
Harry stunned him, and Luna used a spell to place Seamus in his bed.
“Can you do anything for him?”
“Harry, I can give him some herbs to induce sleep, but his anger can only be cured by a strong chamomile, Nargil dung, and heroin enema.”
“Oh this is the best thing for him. I will do that and we can talk while I perform the procedure.” Luna walked over to the cabinet on the wall and pulled out some long purple gloves. She smiled as she chatted. “You know Harry, there are magical things that we can cure with enemas. You look stressed, I can give you a Easy Day Enema after I finish with Seamus.”
Harry could not help but grimace. Harry felt sick to his stomach. “Uh, no thank you Luna. I will see you at the DA reunion later tonight.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t miss it for anything. I hear the Order of the Phoenix is coming too. It was so nice of Professor McGonagall to allow us to have it at Hogwarts.”
Harry nodded and quickly said goodbye as Luna pulled out the enema kit. He couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

The Reunion
arry and Ginny entered Hogwarts arm in arm. Harry was happy to be with the love of his life, but he wished it was an occasion that he could just sit back and enjoy. The thought of anything Voldemort was ruining this otherwise festive occasion. Harry and Ginny walked through the front doors and made their way towards the main hall. Ginny stopped him and pulled him into an alcove.
“Harry, what is it? I can always tell when something is wrong.”
“You always could, I…”
“What is wrong?” Hermione said as she and Ron joined the two of them.
Harry suppressed a chuckle. Hermione had an innate ability to know when he was on the verge of an adventure. Harry was just about to fill them in when Ron said
“What the hell?” and pointed at the entry way where his brother George was locked in an intimate embrace with his date.
“Is that…” Hermione said as her eyes grew large “…Luna Lovegood?”
“It bloody well had better not be. She will have us inviting the garden gnomes to Christmas dinner,” said Ron with a grumpy look upon his face.
“Ron, Luna is a perfectly lovely woman even if she is a bit unorthodox,” Hermione said with a hand on her hip. “and…”
But Harry cut her off before she could gather up any more momentum. “Oye, George, Luna, come join us.”
George and Luna joined the group. George said simply “Ron, she makes me laugh, and I haven’t done that since Fred was killed. Plus she is pretty easy on the eyes. “
“And George is very funny and kind, plus he has a delightfully firm bum. I suspect it is because he was bitten on the buttocks by a garden gnome. Gnome saliva has so many wonderful qualities…”
Ron slapped himself on the forehead. Hermione rolled her eyes. Ginny grinned and redirected the conversation. Harry then filled in the group on what was going on.
Hermione said “There has to be a cause to this. Why would a snake cult pop up now and why are so many people able to speak parsletongue?”
“Isn’t it obvious? It is something organic,” Luna said.
“Well, organic or not. We had better get inside before people start to talk, “ George said.

The great hall was decorated with DA and Order of the Phoenix signs, but something seemed off. The lettering was not neat and orderly on the signs; it was crude as if by a child, or by a half-giant. Hagrid lumbered into view.
“HARRY!” he boomed. “Good ter see you. Do you like my sign? I made it meself.”
“Er, it is great. Hagrid, it was nice of you to make the sign but why didn’t professor McGonagall do it?” Harry asked.
“She ain’t been around much ‘as she now.”
Hermione watched as Ginny, George and Luna went over to talk to the other members at the reunion. She inched closer to Ron and Harry.
“Hagrid, where is professor McGonagall?”
Hagrid shook his great shaggy head. “That’s the great mystery ain’t it? She has been in the castle, but every time I go to see her she is out.” he said and walked off.
“Harry, if McGonagall is missing how will we find her?”
Hermione tapped her foot and looked irritated. “Honestly Ron, isn’t it perfectly obvious? Use the Maurauder’s Map of course.”
“Hermione is right, Ron. I will use the map, but not just yet. WE need to figure out what is going on and how deeply the cult has infiltrated our ranks,” Harry said.
They walked across the room to greet Neville Longbottom who was the newest member of Hogwart’s staff as the new herbology professor. Neville was in a heated conversation with Percy Weasley. Ron rushed over to his brother’s side just in time to overhear what the commotion was about.
“You take it back, Weasley!” Neville threatened as he shook his fist at him.
“I will not. I think that St. Mungo’s should not house people who are not all there mentally.”
In an instant Neville whipped out his wand and used a curse on Percy. Percy collapsed to the floor and his mouth hung open, drool came out.
“Where is mummy?” Percy asked. “I need a bath. Do you have my ducky?”
“Oh dear lord, he cursed him stupid!” Ginny exclaimed.
George smiled and said “He always was a bit touched in the head, if we are being honest.”
Ron lunged for Neville and Neville hit him in the face knocking Ron onto his butt.
“Neville what has gotten into you?” Harry exclaimed.
Just as Neville and Harry started to square off, Hagrid rushed over and picked up Neville by his neck. “Dat’s enough o’ that. You need coolin’ down, professor Longbottom.” Hagrid took Neville under his arm and carried him off as Neville screamed obscenities at the group.
Hermione and Ginny took Percy to Madame Pomfry and Harry and Ron looked for answers. The senior Weasleys were not at the party because they were on vacation with Bill and Fleur in France, but Ron was glad that his mother was not there to interfere.
“Harry, have you noticed that some key people are missing?”
“Like who?”
“Like McGonagall, Slughorn, and Filtch.”
Harry took out the map and the two of them studied it. It was decided that Harry would go look for McGonagall and Ron would stay at the reunion and look for more clues.

The Things You Can’t Unsee
H arry followed the Maurader’s Map to the staff lounge. He removed his invisibility cloak from his pocket and put it on. He slowly turned the knob on the door and could not believe his eyes. He inched against the wall, stunned beyond belief.
McGonagall was wearing a tight snakeskin bodysuit. She looked like an old, scary, hooker dressed as a snake. She danced seductively around a statue of Nagini that was in the center of the staff lounge. Her lips were painted green and she flicked her tongue out and stomped her foot in anger.
“Filtch, if you want to worship me, you simply must throw Mrs. Norris out of the room!”
Mr. Filtch rose from the sofa and picked up his beloved cat, went to the door and heaved her out. The cat landed with a thump upon her feet, turned and hissed at the door. He turned back to McGonagall “Dance for me, mum.”
“You, my strong virile Filtchy, are a sensual, scintillating, scorching snake handler. Handle me!” she cried.
Suddenly Slughorn burst into the room. “NO! Minerva is mine. Oh, Minerva, you wanton minx you!” he cried. He pulled McGonagall into a tight embrace and kissed her passionately.
Filtch cried out in anguish and rushed to the couple. “NO! She is mine!”
McGonagall pulled away from Slughorn and held out a hand to Filtch. “Oh you naughty boys, it appears that I must teach you both how to share,” she said seductively as she turned and kissed Filtch. “You boys can share to appease the goddess, can’t you?”
“Again? We did share last time, but I don’t want him touching me this time,” Slughorn said with a pout.
Filtch glowered, “You didn’t seem to mind too much, in fact you were…”
Harry could take no more, threw off the invisibility cloak and STUPEFY!
“What the hell is this?” He cried. “Some things you just can’t unsee. I think I am going to be sick. Yuck.”
Harry used his wand to motion the trio over to the adjoining room. He was just trying to figure out what to do about this predicament when Hermione burst in the room. “Harry, Ron and Ginny just went to bring Seamus to St. Mungo’s Hospital. They will be back later. Ron thought you could use a more logical mind to help with this.” She looked at the trio. “What the bloody hell is this?”
Harry filled her in quickly on what he would never be able to forget. Hermione stared at the statue. “So, you are saying that this statue gives people a sense of longing?”
“Yes, it does. Do not get too close to it. You have no idea what it can do.”
Statue or Real?
BBut don’t you see Harry, this is an opportunity to study it. IF we know exactly what it does, then we can find a way to stop it. Now, you and I are like brother and sister. We should be immune. IF we are not, then we would know exactly how dangerous the statue really is.”
It made sense. Harry was not remotely attracted to Hermione. She was like a sister to him. He turned around to check on the two professors and Filtch. Suddenly, he felt Hermione hugging him from behind. “See, we are touching and you are not feeling anything new.”
Harry, sighed with relief, and then he felt her move her hand slowly down his chest, inching down and he spun around. “Hermione what are you doing?”
“I’m testing the limitations of the statue. “
Harry turned from her and went and sat down on the chair. It was all too bizarre, well, no more bizarre than his encounter with Narcissa. Damn, don’t think of her again because, well, it excited him and he did not want Hermione to think that it was her, or was it?
“Harry, it is in the name of science that I do this.” Hermione straddled him and kissed him hard. Harry tried to resist, but he could feel her moving against him, on him, and he lost his will. She wrapped her legs around him and he picked her up and walked over to the desk. Suddenly they were laying on top of the desk, kissing like the world was ending. Hermione quickly grabbed her wand and locked the door. “Now Harry, now!”
He didn’t know what to do, he just knew that he wanted Hermione desperately. “Hermione we shouldn’t do this…”
“Oh yes we should, I want to so badly, and Ron does it wrong.” She kissed him again and they were lost. “I’ve always wanted this, but our friendship. I didn’t want to lose you.”
“Me too Hermione, but this isn’t testing the statue.”
“Bugger the statue, Harry. “ She bit his bottom lip gently. “Is that your wand in your pocket or are you happy to see me?” She moved her hand to find out, and he was lost…
One hour later, and two very eventful encounters later, Hermione and Harry were putting on their clothes. “Well, I can confirm that Ron definitely does it wrong,” she said with a chuckle.
“Ron, oh bloody hell, he is my best friend and your boyfriend, Hermione. What the hell do we do?”
Hermione put her arms around him and said “We figure out this snake thing, and we keep this a secret until we can transition into a couple. I’ll break up with him.”
“Right, er why do you think that people are going all nutter over Nagini? Why would Voldemort still exert that type of influence? Is it a curse?”
Hermione furrowed her brow. “No, I don’t think so. What I do think is that we need to get to the library.
In the Library
Hermione poured over volumes of books while Harry thumbed through them, not knowing what to look for. This was Hermione’s realm, after all. After a while, Luna Lovegood appeared.
“Oh, I was wondering where you two had gotten to. “ She looked at them quizzically with her large blue eyes. “Is it a new fad to have your shirts buttoned wrong?” She did not understand.
“Er, Luna, it is a coincidence, “ Harry hastily explained while Hermione looked down.
“Well, I do it all the time. I guess I am in fashion now,” Luna said.
“Seamus is in St. Mungo’s Hospital now. They had to take in Neville too.”
Hermione slammed a book shut. “Well, it is not a curse that is causing all these problems. I have no clue what it could be.”
“They had to come in contact with something,” Harry said.
“You blew him up, right Harry?”
“Sort of, he just kind of dried out and turned into…”
“ASHES!” Hermione exclaimed. “Harry that is it! Voldemort’s ashes are the cause, I am sure of it.”
“Well, now we know how er deeply he loved his snake.”
Luna said “How do we extract the ashes?”
They decided to go to St. Mungo’s and explain the situation to the best healer in the hospital. A potion was created for those who were showing signs of contamination. The statues were to be shrunken and encased in a tomb, sealed, and warded with spells to keep people away.
Hermione and Harry returned to Hogwarts and went into the staff lounge. Filtch, McGonagall, and Slughorn and broken free and were sleeping in a naked pile in the middle of the room. Harry and Hermione grimaced when they saw the sight.
“Eww, it is just so wrong,” Hermione said.
“We need to do this quickly before we are affected. “

Hermione cleared her throat. “Rise and shine!”
McGonagall woke up, saw her nakedness and that of the other two and screamed. She clutched at her robes and hastily covered herself. “What is the meaning of this Ms. Granger?”
Slughorn ran behind the statue, and Filtch sneered at Hermione.
“Professor, you all are infected with Voldemort’s ashes. It causes certain abnormal and uncontrollable behavior. St. Mungo’s has devised a cure.”
“Menerva, luv, come back and allow me to work some magic with my snake upon you,” Slughorn called.
“Do we really need her?” Filtch asked.
McGonagall shuddered and looked pleadingly at Harry. What had she done last night? She had not had “relations” in decades. She wasn’t even sure if her equipment worked anymore, but judging by the way she was found, she must have. She suppressed the vomit that rose in her throat. Filtch of all people. A squib. She began to faint, and Harry caught her. Hermione brought her around and sat her on the sofa in the room.
Harry handed her a phial of fizzing clear liquid. “Please take it professor. It will help.”
Filtch and Slughorn were persuaded to take the potion, and Hermione shrunk the statue and placed it in a charmed container that blocked its effects.
“Potter, please don’t tell anyone what happened here!” McGonagall cried.
Harry’s wand whipped out “STUPEFY!”
Hermione pulled out her wand and said “ Professor, I can’t allow you to remember what happened. I care too much about you to let you live with this. “Obliviate.” The memories of McGonagall, Slughorn and Filtch were wiped clean of the last few days. Harry moved McGonagall into her classroom, Slughorn was moved to his rooms, and they shoved Filtch into a bathroom, where Harry did a swirly on him for good measure. Teach that jerk to make his life miserable while he was in school.

Hermione and Harry snuck out the castle. Once they were near Hogsmeade, Harry pulled Hermione close to him and held her hands.
“We got rid of the problem, but now we have to deal with Ron, IF you still feel the same way,” he said sheepishly.
Hermione looked at him and said. “Don’t be silly, Harry. Of course I feel the same way. We can blame it on the ashes , say we cured ourselves, but we will say we feel differently. It’s not our fault, etc. It’s a way not to ruin poor Ron.”
They agreed to the plan and went to finish destroying the statues. They accomplished their task after a week and returned to Diagon Alley to speak to Ron.
Hermione and Harry entered the joke shop and walked up to the apartment Ron inhabited over the shop. The door was ajar, and they could hear Ron moaning inside.
“Harry, he sounds hurt,” Hermione whispered with concern. They could see books and pictures on the floor, furniture overturned inside the room.
Harry pushed Hermione behind him and drew out his wand. He cautiously entered the apartment. Ron was not in the living room, nor the bedroom or kitchen. The shower was running and they could hear a pitiful sound from Ron. They pushed in the bathroom door, and they saw it. A statue of Nagini! Harry pushed aside the shower curtain, and found Ron inside shagging Madame Rosmerta!
“RONALD WEASLEY WE ARE DONE!” Hermione yelled. She gave Harry a wink.
Ron and Rosmerta were separated, forcibly, and given the potion. Ron sat in a robe looking sheepishly at Hermione. “Honestly, I was out of my mind. You have to forgive me.”
“No Ron, it will never be the same. I can’t unsee that,” she said with a sad voice.
Hermione, Luna, and Harry worked on administering the potion with the help of Mirace. They found many of their friends and people they knew under the spell. The Patil twins were found dancing naked at the Hogs Head on the bar with a very appreciating Alberforth throwing mice at them. It was just too freaky for Hermione to handle. She let Luna sort that mess out.
Dolores Umbridge was the lone casualty. They found her broken body at the bottom of a ravine in the Forbidden Forrest. She had on a pink snakeskin patterned bustier, panties, whith her face painted like a snake. She had dozens of hoof prints all around her broken body. One of her wizard friends had left a wand near a statue. The centaurs had taken care of her once and for all. Mirace tracked down the wizard who had been at the scene, and it was none other than Lucius Malfoy. Harry made Mirace promise not to put Malfoy’s name in the report or tell anyone he was there. He owed Narcissa that much.
Ron and Hermione broke up the day she found him in the shower. Harry told Ron that Hermione was so distraught that she was going away for a while. He was going to check on her with Ron’s blessing. Harry knew that in time, Ron would grudgingly accept his new relationship with Hermione. Harry was thrilled that his passion for Hermione and hers for him was just as strong as it was when they were by the statue.
She answered a knock on her door one cool and foggy day. Narcissa Malfoy found Kreacher there with a bouquet of lilies and a card. She took them and shut the door. She found the card attached and opened it.
Thank you for your help. You are no longer my goddess, but my hero. It changed my life.
P.S. Mr. Malfoy is a lucky man.
Narcissa smiled. She had paid Harry back for saving Draco all those times during the siege of Hogwarts. Harry never knew she was really responsible for her advanced curse upon the ashes. She had stolen the book from the restricted section at Hogwarts, so Hermione never found out about that particular and obscure curse. Yes, she was a Slytherin after all. She was sly, cunning, and just devious enough to have enjoyed her statue time with Harry.

oh yeah? well my husband honks at the deaf.
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The Cult of Nagini- a fanfiction lame attempt
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